I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
