I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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