wakey wakey hands off snakey
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
