so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
vagina is talking i cant
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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