I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
