Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
