You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
