I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
handjob tips. give me some.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
