Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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