It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
