you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
