no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
