i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
