My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
