guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
