Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
