ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
