Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
