i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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