I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
