It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
