the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we're chasing vodka with high fives
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
