He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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