yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
