Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
