When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
