you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
