I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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