omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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