when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
