I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
