I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
