can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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