When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
