Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
