I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
