so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
