I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
