I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
