you turned your livingroom into a bong?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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