Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
