Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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