4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
