You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
