It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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