so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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