Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
