last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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