I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
