I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
